Times, they are a changing

       Hello, lovelies. 

      Yep, it’s that time of year again. We went from a scorching hot summer to instant autumn all in the blink of an eye. Last week I was sleeping with the fan on, and this week I’m wondering where I had put my autumn jumpers. I both love and hate this time of year. For years September has meant new school uniforms and an endless list of stationery my children needed for the new term. The roads that had been traffic-free for the summer holidays are now jammed with stressed parents as they drag their children off to school. And once again, I have failed to reach my summer goal of having a beach-ready body. No, all I am prepared for is cosy nights in, wrapped up tightly in a nice warm blanket and working through my watch list on Netflix. But mostly, the autumn means that we’re creeping our way up to Christmas. And that means money. Lots of money. And that is the one thing that I don’t have. We’ve gone from relaxing on the warm summer nights to closing all windows and debating whether or not we should turn the heating on. But looking outside, the breathtaking colours of nature is awe-inspiring. You would be hard pressed to find anything more beautiful than the vibrant colour of the trees as they change from green to an assortment of oranges, yellows and reds. Life is changing right before our eyes, even if we’re not ready for it. But is change always a bad thing? Should we just go with the flow? Or fight to stop the change affecting our lives? Can we stop change? Or should we stop worrying and let life take us on the journey of a lifetime?

         I hate change, even if it’s change for the better. And I find that change always comes when I least expect it. One day I’m minding my own business and, boom, I’m hit with something new and I’m expected to adapt and carry on as if nothing has changed. And the older I get the harder it is for me to switch gears to move forward. I now understand why previous generations have struggled to fit in with how fast the world has become, and have stayed the same and frequently reminded us of how different it was in their day. I’m finding that I am understanding less and less the new language that my children talk in. It must be the same feeling that my mother had back in the day when new words sprang up which made no sense to grown-ups, but we kids understood fully. I remember saying cowabunga a lot. Or, when something was cool it was ‘rad’. What about ‘bodacious, dude.’ And my personal favourite was saying ‘Excellent’ whilst playing an air guitar. But I understand that life is so much better now than it was back then. We have more rights now than we did then. We’re working towards a future with more equality and freedoms than we have ever had. All these changes have been fought for and won by amazing trailblazers who risked everything so that we could live a little better. If they can do it, change not only their lives but the lives of millions of people who have come after them, surely, I should be able to deal with whatever pops up in front of me. Why, then, do I find myself resisting it for as long as I can? 

          Now, the one thing that has never changed in my life is the love of education. Even though I was never any good at it, it remains one of my greatest passions. You’re never too old to learn. The world is an amazing place with so much to see and do, so I have always encouraged my children to go out and see the world for themselves. But never have I felt such a juxtaposition than I have this week. My middle child worked tirelessly for their A-levels and is heading off to university. For most parents this is fantastic, but not for me. They have chosen a fantastic university that will catapult them into a marvellous future, but it means that they are leaving London and heading nearly three hundred miles out into the depths of the English countryside. And where I should be elated by how talented they are, my heart is breaking that my children are growing up way too fast. It feels like five minutes ago I was bringing my babies home from the hospital, and now they are all grown up and leaving home. I was once the centre of their lives, and now I am not. And I hate it. We all say how wonderful and talented our children are, but mine really are. I cannot hold a candle to them. They have achieved so much more than I ever could. And now it is time for their lives to begin. So why does it feel like mine is over?

            Growing up we would often hear about the empty nest syndrome, but I couldn’t appreciate just how hard it would be living through it. And I know that all of my children are only a phone call away and that this is the best thing for them, I just never thought how hard it would be. And their leaving home doesn’t mean that they don’t love me or need me, no longer need me in their life. They just need to start their journey. 

           How am I going to survive the massive change and upheaval in my life? Well, I was talking to a very dear friend of mine and asked her how she had handled her children growing up and moving out. And for her, the answer came very quickly. She told me that when we have children, we pour our entire lives into them, which means that very little of us are left. But once they are launched into the world, it is time for us to become fabulous again. And that struck me. Could I become fabulous again? Is the world ready for it? Am I ready for it? Does it even matter if I am or not? What matters is that I stop holding on to the past, let go of my fear of change and walk into a future that will be so very different from what has come before. But how to do that when I can’t imagine not having my children at home? What should I do when I come home and it's dark and empty? Then again, it does mean that the food that I left in the fridge will still be there, and the floor would still be uncluttered from the detritus that they always left for me. But my home would still be silent. 

          When the season ends and the trees begin to change colour, it doesn’t mean it’s all over and life will never be the same again. It just means that it’s time for a new beginning. And a new beginning is a chance to be the fantastic human beings that we are meant to be.