The truth hurts. But does it have to?

         Hello, lovelies. 

        In a world where truth can be subjective and perceptions may vary widely, telling someone your version of the truth can often lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and hurt feelings. While it might seem innocent or well-intentioned to share our perspective, there are always some inherent risks and downsides that come with presenting our personalized version of reality. And with so many forms of the truth, how can we know what is right and what is true? As the old saying says, there’s your version, my version and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. So, is it always right to tell someone the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? And what happens when what we have to say doesn’t come from a good place, but from deflection, rejection or anger? Is our truth more valid than those around us? Could our versions of the truth be biased or tainted? What are the pitfalls of telling our version of the truth? And by doing so, does it always have to hurt? Is that the point? Or is it time to start seeing someone’s perception of the truth for what it really is?  

          I cannot tell you how much I hate the saying, ‘I’m just telling you how it is.’ To me, it’s an awful thing to say. No, you’re not, you’re only saying that what you think is right, but not necessarily the truth. So, why do so many people go about their lives believing that their version of the truth is the only way? Isn’t that how wars are started? And why do some people think that they are always right? I, for one, know that I am very rarely right. I may have an opinion on the matter, but I do my best to keep that to myself. What good would it do for me to start spouting my version of the truth? How would that help? Obviously, if I were to witness a crime or accident, then my version of the truth is important, but other than that, in my day-to-day life, my version of the truth means very little to the world. Why then, do some people think that is not only okay but imperative that they tell me exactly what they think of me? 

           I would never say that I was the brightest cookie in the toolbox. As a child, I was labelled as bright, but not smart, but I have never been known for my great intellect. What I do know is that it is never okay to try and hurt someone. Yes, I am well-known for my ‘foot in mouth’ disease. I permanently carry a shovel so I can dig myself out of the holes I find myself in. But to knowingly say something with the intent to hurt is something I’ll never do. Life is hard enough. Why then, did I find myself in a conversation with someone who I had once called a friend, only for them to belittle, criticise and dismiss a piece of work that I had struggled and strived to bring to life? I was so proud of all the hard work, long hours and rigours that had tested every sinew of my being, only to be stumped by this person’s nasty comments. Did they really need to tell me the truth? What did they think that they were going to achieve by telling me everything that I had done wrong? Were they trying to give me some friendly criticism and I just couldn’t take it? Was it more important that they told me what they thought rather than just being happy for me? And why did they give me their unsolicited truth, knowing full well that it was going to hurt and without giving me any advice to improve?

           The truth hurts, although a common phrase used to describe an unpleasant reality that we must face, can sometimes be difficult to accept, even if it’s necessary for growth and personal development. Coming to terms with the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable at first, can ultimately lead to valuable lessons. We need to have trusted people around us who can give us constructive criticism to help us improve and grow. Why, then, do we sometimes find the truth to be so unbearable? And by facing the truth it can feel like we’re being hit by a ton of bricks. Is it because we have preconceived notions about ourselves, and the truth forces us to face uncomfortable facts that we would rather not think about? Have we built up walls of denial and delusion to protect ourselves? When we’re faced with these difficult truths, does it always have to be a devastating blow to our ego? 

          What if that very truth we’re told turns out to be nothing more than the bitter stings of a jellyfish friend? And what is that, I hear you say. Well, a jellyfish friend is the name of a person who gently slides up to you, stings you with their version of the truth, and then floats away. And the biggest problem with a jellyfish is that you never see them coming. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you're stung by a nasty truth. And before you can take onboard what they’ve said, they’ve gone and you’re left reeling from the attack. And unlike a real jellyfish, peeing on the sting doesn’t help. 

         Should I take to heart the so-called truth, that all my hard just wasn’t good enough? Did it hurt because it shone a light on something that I’d rather not face? Or was it just a nasty, hurtful comment from someone who was seeing their own inadequacies and wanted to lash out and hurt me? 

          It’s important to remember that everyone has a very different set of values and priorities regarding their take on the truth. Setting boundaries and distancing yourself from people and jellyfish friends who sting without giving it a second thought, is so important for our well-being and mental health. And although facing our truths can lead to personal growth, increased self-awareness and stronger relationships, but it can be really hard to face. We must make sure that the only truth we face is from people who care about us and want to see us thrive, and not from those whose version of the truth is distorted and wrong.

         My work may not have been any good, and that friend was trying to help me not to make a fool out of myself. Or they may have just wanted to sting and go, and sadly I will never know because ultimately it doesn’t matter. Their truth is just that. Their truth. I know how hard I worked, and how it was received by many others and I loved it. I am going to trust my own truth and know that it was good. And, although honesty is the best policy in some situations, silence is good too!