Is silence golden?

       Hello, lovelies. 

           To say that I could talk the hind legs off a donkey, would be the understatement of the century. I talk to anyone and everyone, whether they like it or not. On buses, at the supermarket or just when walking the dogs. I just find people fascinating. Every one of us has our own unique life stories. With no two lives the same. And I am a sucker for asking questions. From the silly ones like, what is your favourite colour? Green. To some pretty hard-hitting life-altering questions like, do you dunk your cheese toastie in your tomato soup? And if not, why not? A real-life question that was asked in the staff room at work, and still manages to polarise people to this day. (You most definitely dunk!) I really can’t help myself. As soon as the question pops into my mind, I find myself voicing it. But does my need to chat put people off? Are my silly questions just an annoying distraction that would be better left unsaid? But the ultimate question is, would we all be better off if we just kept our heads down and mouths closed? Is silence really golden? Or should we all be getting to know those around us just a little bit better?   

         If talking was an Olympic sport, then I would take first place every single time. From growing up as a painfully shy child who hardly ever spoke outside of my home, I am certainly making up for it now. I just love chatting. Or should I say, I love listening to all the different ideas others have? It’s astounding just how diverse we all are. From religion to politics, music and books. And just when you think that you have a handle on someone, they up and change their opinions, and you can have the same conversations with a completely different outcome. See, fascinating. But I would never call myself interesting at all. Far from it. I truly believe that I live the most boring life. I don’t hold crazy, outlandish ideas. I dress the same as my peers. Okay, so yes, I am loud and have a laugh like a fog horn, but would I call myself interesting in any way? Nope. I’m just your general, run-of-the-mill, middle-aged single mum, with two crazy dogs. Okay, okay, so I have, once or twice, found myself in some truly awkward, funny and downright ridiculous situations. It is a well-documented phenomenon that I have ‘foot in mouth’ disease. If there is a wrong thing to say, then you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to say it. But I can put my hand on my heart and say that I have never said anything with malice that I would want to deliberately hurt someone. It’s true that if I do not like someone, then I can be a bit bitchy, but I stop at underhand and nasty tactics. So, it always surprises me that others do not feel the same way.

           I have always worked in one form or another in customer service. And have always prided myself on having excellent communication skills and an ability to de-escalate stressful, and sometimes dangerous situations. It came in handy when I was a duty manager in a pub. And nowadays it definitely comes in handy when working FOH in theatres. A drunken group being difficult, not a problem for me. I used to think that I was an excellent usher, as I have worked in theatre all my life. But I’m not. What I am excellent at is people. I have no idea how I do it, but I am very good with them. Case in point. A few weeks ago, I was working in a theatre uptown, and the show had a no-readmittance policy. And as every usher can tell you, we hate that rule. It makes our lives so unnecessarily difficult. We really don’t like having to keep people from going back to their seats if they need to pop out to the loo. But that is what I had to do, and the man in question decided that it was all my fault that he was not allowed back inside the auditorium. As far as he was concerned, he had paid a lot of money for his ticket, and even though he had been informed of the rule, he couldn’t believe that it applied to him. So I was the enemy, and as we stood in the bar, waiting for the show to end, I found myself chatting to him. And, long story short, we found that we had a lot in common. When the show came to an end, his parting words to me, in the middle of the foyer as everyone was leaving, as he pulled me into a bearhug and loudly declared that the best part of the evening was talking to me, and if I was ever in his part of the woods, then I should look him up. Somehow, we had gone from him wanting to rip me a new one, to him inviting me to visit him and his family down by the seaside. All that in less than twenty minutes. All I did was ask him a few simple questions and chat with him. 

            For someone like me who puts themselves in the public domain, you would think it wise to have a very thick skin. To let the nasty and negative comments from others roll off my shoulders, just like the water off a duck's back. But it’s hard. I am a people pleaser and have a terrible habit of turning other people’s nasty comments in on myself. And that happened last week. I was at work, doing my usual chatting away, and I caught sight of someone sniggering at me. Nothing too bad, but it cut me very deeply. I was just doing the job I love, and someone laughed at me, most definitely not with me. And suddenly I couldn’t speak. I just wanted to push it all away and go home. I began to question my whole working life. Was I really so awful and embarrassing? Should I quit my job, go work in a library and never speak again? 

            So, I asked my friends on Facebook if they had any suggestions as to what to do when your confidence is rocked. And what I got back was some of the most beautiful messages I have ever seen. Some even made me cry. But the most important message I received was that some people are just going through their own private worries and stresses in life and that their opinions of me are nothing but a very fleeting snapshot in time. Yes, maybe for them my friendly work banter was silly, but for me, it has been a proven skill that has taken me a very long way in my own life. I have always tried to have a positive outlook in life, which some may find annoying, heck, even I find it annoying at times. But it is who I am. And that’s okay. 

          I don’t think that I will ever stop chatting to people and asking questions. As the more we know about each other, the more we can see that we really are all the same. We all want the same things, to have a stable home, a decent life with love and laughter and to find our own meaning in this world. I’m going to let them laugh at me if they want. No real harm was done. And I got to ask my friends a really useful question that has opened my eyes, and my heart in a whole new way.