The year of the Emma

        Hello, lovelies. 

          A new year can bring a fresh start and new opportunities, and by the look of it, 2023 is set to follow in the path as all the others. But as we celebrate and usher in the Chinese year of the rabbit, what can we learn from the past to bring forward, and maybe, just maybe, change the coming year into something more. 

           The year of the rabbit is the fourth in the twelve-year cycle. The 22nd of January starts one of the most important festivals in Chinese culture, the dawn of the Luna New Year. Chinese New Year, known as the spring Festival, is celebrated with food, meeting up with family and friends as well as a whole plethora of festivities. This is not only celebrated in China, but many countries across Asia. It even touches the far-flung corners of southwest London. Anyone walking through China Town, in London’s Leicester Square, would be hard hit not to be drawn into the music, food and decorations. What a wonderful spectacle in these dark and dreary days. The year of the rabbit jumps into our lives as we leave behind the year of the tiger. Whereas the tiger is a symbol of strength, exorcising evil and braveness, the rabbit symbolizes prosperity and longevity. Those born in the year of the rabbit are believed to be vigilant, witty, ingenious and quick minded. Not bad. Now, this is all well and good, but how will any of this make any impact on my little life? And haven’t we just had our own new year? Why should we get excited about another one? 

          But what does the year of the rabbit mean to the rest of us and how will it affect me? 

         My mother used to say that our lives can be hard and unforgiving at times, so we should take every opportunity to celebrate all the positives, and I have tried to live my life through that lens. Girl’s nights in, movie nights and endless home thrown parties were a huge part of my thirties. Having a bad day, everyone round to mine and we’ll all eat cake together. Work was horrible, bring the crisps and dips and we’ll put on a scary movie. Today is a Tuesday, lets order a takeaway and everyone can bundle round to mine. Those were some amazing times. But as the years marched on, and I became older, those girl’s nights became a thing of the past, and I had to settle with some great telephone calls with my friends as I worked my way through the mountain of laundry and all the other endless household chores. Life didn’t become harder, but it did become less fun. And I’m not sure about you, but the older I became the less time I had for myself. Somehow, I am still trying to make my way through the mountain of laundry that never seems to go down. I am sure that we have a way more people living in my house that I am aware of, because there is no way that my children can use that amount of cutlery on a daily basis. I can never find a cup, as they all magically disappear the moment they come out of the dishwasher. And no matter how many times I turn off the light when I leave a room, it is always on when I walk back in, and if I ask my children, they all promise me that it wasn’t them. 

           The pandemic forced many of us to slow down and take stock of our lives, but for some of us, lockdown didn’t have much impact on us at all. I worked as a care assistant during the day and spent most evenings trying to come to terms with the serious lack of toilet paper. I just marched on, trying with all my might, to make the crazy and uncertain situation into something normal for my children. And with the world opening up again, I began to run through my days as if nothing had happened. I was so desperate to be ‘normal’ again, that I started to burn the candle at both ends and even lighting it in the middle, too. Even through my cancer journey, I have failed to slow down and take the time needed to rest and heal. Telling myself that there was no way I could sit down and watch a film, when I had bills to pay and a life to lead. Life was for the living, and I was going to just that. 

           But was I really living my life to it’s fullest? Or was I just telling myself that to justify my serious exhaustion? Surely it was just all the treatment I was going through that left me almost unable to move by the end of the day. It couldn’t have anything to do with my working six days a week for my day jobs, and every evening filled to the brim with housework, rehearsals or both. I made every excuse under the sun as to why I always looked tired and had no energy without the use of caffeine and chocolate. More and more make-up was applied to give the impression of health and happiness. But still I failed to listen to my body, and I continued to run through my days as if my life depended on it. 

          And before I knew it, Christmas was upon me, and I failed to listen again and ended up in hospital. Surely that would have made me stop and think about what I was putting myself through. But even that wasn’t enough. So, what did pull me up and make me sit down and think about how I was damaging myself? It was a simple comment from my youngest child. She asked me who would have looked after her if I had died. That, like nothing else, stopped me in my tracks. She, unlike me, could see what I was doing to myself and knew that if I didn’t slow down, then I may not be around for very much longer. My reckless and unrealistic lifestyle had and has a massive knock-on effect on my children. They always say, ‘out of the mouths of babes,’ but never had it been so accurate and acute. 

         I always believed that to put myself first was somehow selfish and lazy. That true happiness only came from helping others. I failed to see that there was no one out there looking after me. Not that I was alone. I have the most amazing friends and partner and I have no idea what I would do without my children. But on the core level, if I didn’t take care of myself, then there was no one else that would or could. 

         So, with the year of the rabbit, I am going to spring into this year with a new understanding of what is truly important to my life. Stopping, resting and healing cannot happen overnight, no matter how much I was it could. Living my life to the fullest can be done at a much slower rate than I thought possible. And as for the mountain of laundry and the ever-rising cost of living, nothing is more important than stopping, breathing and surrounding myself with only the things and people that improve me and not all the things that I think I need. 

          So this new year of the rabbit is an excellent opportunity to start afresh and live my life that I need and deserve. But instead of the rabbit. For me it is the year of the Emma. The year of me. So why not make this the year of you, too.