The big C can F right off!

Hello, lovelies.

            For as long as I can remember, the big C was only spoken about in hushed tones. Those that had ‘it’ were kept away for the rest of us. Was it for their benefit? To keep them safe and away from the unwanted stares and misplaced, if not well meaning, sympathy? Or to keep them away from the rest of us? To stop us from catching the debilitating and terminal disease? We’ve been told that we can bring cancer to our own front doorsteps by smoking, staying out in the sun for too long and eating the wrong kinds of foods. By drinking, obesity and our diet and unhealthy eating. Lack of physical activity and breathing in air pollution and radon gasses. Even using our mobile phones could bring the disease into our lives. But is that all there is to cancer? A terrifying, deadly and evil monster that can and will change our lives forever? Or is the diagnosis of cancer really just the start of a journey that is no where near as scary as you think?

        I will be the first person to admit that I was afraid of cancer. Even saying the word could somehow contaminate me. The thought of being so unfortunate to develop it could send me into a small panic attack. As a child, I remember seeing a woman wearing a chemo turban, and thinking that losing her hair must have been the worst thing in the world. But what is it about cancer that I was most scared of? Was it the unpredictability of it affecting my life? That a few misbehaving cells, not doing as they were instructed, would lead to months of chemo, weight and hair loss, surgery and in the end, death. I am sure that we all must know of someone that had lost their battle and died. The fear and silence that comes with cancer can be all consuming. But is cancer really a short and painful death sentence? Does having cancer mean that you’ve done something wrong? That you must have brought the disease into your life. Or is cancer nothing like that, and with the ground-breaking strides into cancer research, the big c can bugger right off. 

      I must be one of the most boring people on the planet. I most definitely didn’t do anything to bring cancer into my life. I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs that are anything stronger than Nurofen. Sleep is one of my favourite things. I’m vegetarian and walk all day every day. If there was a perfect candidate for getting cancer, I wouldn’t be top of the list. But somehow that’s what happened. And in a very Emma like fashion, it turned out that a small cluster of cells had decided to not listen and instead they did what they wanted to do and mutated. But as soon as the NHS caught sight that there was a problem, I was fast tracked from one appointment to another. Having blood test after blood test. MRI and CT scans. And in a blink of an eye, I was heading up to the Royal Marsden in London for an operation that removed the small 5mm cluster of cancer cells from my body. Before I even knew that I had the disease they had removed it. In fact, in was four weeks later that the c word was really mentioned. Up until then I felt like a fraud, that I really didn’t need the time and attention of the world-famous Royal Marsden cancer trust. 

        But was I still scared of cancer, even though they had removed it and I’m down for having six cycles of chemo to make sure that it doesn’t come back? Surely my days were still numbered. No. The NHS worked so hard and so fast that there really is very little to fear. I didn’t have to do anything other than turn up and let the incredibly educated and talented people do their jobs. There are so many people that work in and around the field of cancer, that you never have to go through anything alone. And by talking to people about what you’re going through makes all the difference. And I realised that it was the taboo that followed the disease that I was scared of. The stigma that we must have done something, that keeps us from speaking out. 

          Everybody has their own journeys when it comes to cancer, and this is mine. I refuse to be labelled and defined by the disease. I didn’t do anything to bring it into my life, but the question that needs to be asked is what I am going to do now. And the answer to that is everything. Running away and burying my head in the sand will do the most damage. Standing up and facing cancer dramatically increases our chances of living a very long and healthy life. And speaking out and refusing to be limited by it just won’t wash with me. My journey doesn’t need sympathy or concern, hushed tones and fear. The road ahead maybe a little bumpy for the next four months but worrying and silence won’t make it better. I’m not going to break or die. I may lose my hair, but with a face like mine, I know I will rock the bald look. And I’m going to save a fortune in hair products. 

     Cancer isn’t a life sentence. Okay, so chemo may not be very nice. But, oh well. So lets all start talking about cancer. Let’s take away the fear and stigma that lurk in the shadows. And let us all tell cancer that it can a run and jump.

cancer isnt scary. Not doing anything about it is i dod nothing to casue cancer. i dis nothing. But what am i doong now? Everything