Hands off!

    Hello, lovelies.

      With every year that passes, we march ever forward towards our uncertain futures and away from our unchanging pasts. Music has changed. Our food choices have changed. Fashion has… well… fashion is ever changing. But most importantly, our understanding and expectations have changed. Gone are the days of women being tied to the kitchen sink. Men being the sole breadwinners, spending the weeks hard earned cash down the pub on a Friday night out with the boys. It's now socially unacceptable to wolf whistle as a pretty ‘lady’ walks down the street. Life is a million miles away from just our parents' generation. But is that a good thing? Or were we all better off when we all knew our places and what we could except from our lives? Or should we be bashing down the outdated and dangerous attitudes and saying that no most definitely means no! 

       Waking up this morning was not an easy task. I was up super late last night reading a new book, and no matter how hard I told myself that I would only read one more chapter, the book was a compelling read and I just couldn’t put it down. So bleary eyed this morning, I scrolled down the newsfeed on my phone to see what was happening in the world. And it was an awful lot. But there was a common thread running through the news. Across the pond, Andrew Cromo has been made to resign due to historic allegations of sexual misconduct. And much closer to home the same story is playing out in our own Royal family. And this got me wondering. Could it be true? Would these men in positions of power and authority really be guilty of committing unthinkable acts on any number of victims? Surely not. Surely they would know better than that, and would never jeopardize their careers just to ‘cop a feel’ from an unexpecting woman who was working alongside them. But is that really true? 

        Growing up in the 80s and 90s, us girls were always told that we had to make sure that when we went out to a party or dance club, then we should always take extra care and never accept a lift from a stranger. Walking home alone late at night was always a no no. If the worst thing were to happen, we were always told to scream ‘FIRE’ if we were being attacked, as to just scream for help would rarely get us anywhere. The fear of stranger danger was an ever present threat for us young girls. But was it just strangers that we should have been looking out for? What about that gentle pat on our lower backs from our boss for a job well done? Or that colleague that always stood way too close for comfort? How about that date, when you spend most of the evening politely fighting off ever confident wandering hands? But we were told that we shouldn’t be offended, as it was really meant as a compliment. Were we being too sensitive? Were all those unwanted pats, lingering hands on our shoulders and extra long hugs really that awful? I mean, it wasn’t that bad, was it? It’s nice to be thought of as pretty and desirable, isn’t it? Was a moment's discomfort to us just silly in the face of his friendly touch? 

      Maybe life has made us women far too sensitive? Maybe that's just how some men are? I know that in one pub job I did, while working my way through drama school, the male owner would always stand in the way of the entrance to get behind the bar. So whenever one of us girls had to go and collect the empty glasses, we would have no choice but to try and squeeze past him in order to get out. Strangely, he never did it when a male member of staff had to get past. Should I have been flattered? Are ‘all’ men getting a bad wrap for one or two bad apples? Have we lost sight of what it means to be friendly? We are, after all, masters of our own bodies, so if we really did feel discomfort, surely we would be able to remove ourselves from our situation? Ha! Like it's that easy. Just think of Harvey Weinstein. We’re all human. Some of us fight, but the vast majority of us freeze with fear. Just walking away is never that easy. Especially if our jobs depend on not making waves. 

       Is this just how our lives are going to be forever more? Are we just seeing things that aren’t there? If that were true, then how come more than four-fifths of young women in the UK have been subjected to sexual harassment, according to a survey for UN Women UK March 2021, which warns that most women have lost faith that the abuse will be dealt with. And it’s not just women that have to face this kind of treatment. 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 631,000 male victims. That is an unacceptable number of people. 

      So should we just take it all on the chin, understand that it is just how some men, and a very small number of women perpetrators are going to be? Or instead of telling women how to act, what to wear and how much they should drink on a night out really solve the problem? Or should we be teaching all boys and men, no, everyone, that it is not okay to touch anyone, even if we think we’re only being friendly. That no most definitely means no. And no matter who you are, be it my boss at the pub, a politician or a member of the royal family, you don't have the right to touch, intimidate or assault another human being.