What do you say?

Hello, lovelies. We can all say that when we hear unexpected or bad news and we just have no idea how to respond. Others can say the right thing at the right time, while others either clam up, stay silent, or worse - open their mouths and say whatever comes into their heads. Then there are those moments that you try to say something, but you’re talked over, shouted over or shut down. You’re silenced so that others can say what they want, and not have to deal with the fallout of their words. So often what I want or need is completely overlooked in favour of those who shout louder that I do. Should we always stay quiet? Would I become a ‘Karen’ of we dared to say speak up and anything? Should we keep quiet if we have nothing nice to say? Or is our opinion just as valid as everyone else? It’s no secret that I hate confrontations. So when I’m caught in the middle of a horrible situation, I find myself holding my stress and anxiety in. My inner dialogue screaming at me not to say anything, as you can guarantee that six months from now, I will go over and over everything I said in the heat of the moment, causing more nights of crippling insomnia. And I definitely do not want that, again. So, when I was in my local supermarket one evening last week, I couldn’t believe that, completely out of the blue, I was suddenly stuck in the middle of a stressful confrontation. The first question that comes to mind is, ‘What was I doing that would cause a member of staff to shout at me?’ And the very easy answer to that question is, I was waiting in the queue. Yep. I, the most conscientious of shoppers, was waiting in the checkout queue for seven minutes. And what was I doing whist waiting in line? I was daydreaming about going to bed. I had been on my feet for twelve hours straight. My body may have been in the shop, but my mind was most definitely elsewhere. I just wanted to go to bed. The feeling of slipping into my pyjamas. Climbing into my soft warm bed. And slowly drifting off to a blissful sleep. Those were my exact thoughts as I waited my turn. What a rock and roll lifestyle I lead. How did I get from my wild fantasies of going to bed, to being close to tears at the hands of the checkout man? Well, cutting a very long and somewhat embarrassing story short, I didn’t see that another customer wanted to push in front of me. I was so busy loading up the conveyer with my shopping, that I didn’t even register the cashier telling me to move out of the way for the man behind me, so that he could go first. But hold on. Why should the man behind me go in front? I had waited. Other customers had waited. So why should someone who had only just turned up go first? And I found myself asking, should I say anything or just let the man go ahead of me? As I stood and watched the two men talking about who should go first, I could feel the things I wanted to say on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t say anything. I could see that the other customers were all looking at me. Were they willing me on to say something? That we had had to wait, so why couldn’t he. Or where they waiting, cameras in hand, for me to break my silence and say something that would instantly online? But what would I say if I did speak up? And being terribly British, we’re brought up to keep a stiff upper lip and not complain. How was any of this fair? All I wanted was to pack up my shopping and go home. So I didn’t say anything. Even though I was tired, and it wasn’t at all fair, I kept my thoughts to myself and waited for it to be, finally, my turn. Only for the cashier to yell at me to hurry up and move out of the way. And if that wasn’t bad enough, at an impromptu BBQ, I was admiring, with a lot of envy, what I would do if I had a garden just like the beautiful one I was standing in. Only for some one to shout out that I was complaining again. Hold on. When had I been complaining? I took myself off to a quiet corner of the garden and tried to work out what I had been complaining about. And that’s where I stayed, until it was time to go home. Should I have said something? Asked what I had been complaining about. But would that have ruined the evening? How then, was someone else allowed to say what they want, but I am destined to stay quiet. Is it a reflection on who I am, to be the punch line of other people’s opinions of me? Or it just a reflection on them? I could have spoken up and told the guy in the shop to wait his turn. But why put myself in the middle of all that stress. And it was stress, as I am still thinking about it today. As for the comment at the BBQ. It turns out that the person who said it had meant it as a joke. His sense of humour was all it had been. I could have said something. I could have said that those comments had upset and worried me. Or I could have let the words pass me by and forget them as soon as they were spoken. Other people are allowed to have their own opinions, but I am also allowed to ignore what others do and say. There is a truth in the saying, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’ But it is more to do with not engaging with others that do not have anything nice to say. I’m glad that I didn’t say anything. Not because I could have said the wrong thing, but because I walked away knowing that their comments had nothing really to do with me. Words are mightier than a sword, but only if we let them.