When silence is golden. Except when it isn’t

Hello, lovelies. You know that time, when the words are on the tip of your tongue, but instead of saying what needs to be said, you stop. Breathe. Smile and keep inside all those words that needed to be spoken. So why do we do it? Why do we hold back when what we really need to be doing is getting all those thoughts out, aired, spoken and finally laying them to rest? Is it our very British custom to always beat around the bush? Are our sensibilities set so high that we can’t speak our minds and upset those around us? So, why then, do some people share their every thought? No sooner than it enters his mind, the thought is out before they even know what they’re doing. Is keeping silent golden? Or only till its not. Over the years, I would love to be able to say that I have always been able to say the right thing at the right time. But that would be a total lie. I always put my foot right in it. Emma-erisms, as they are widely called. I am the best at saying the wrong thing at the very worst time. The more I try to hold it in, the more they need to come out. Case in point. A friend of mine had just had a family bereavement. With my best friend standing beside me, she shared her condolences at the loss, and I, with my full actor trained voice, loudly said. “At least you look good in black at the funeral!” There was an awfully long silence. My friends stared, opened mouthed at me, I took my foot out of my mouth, and began looking for that very big hole to bury myself in. But had I meant to be thoughtless and rude? No. Had I meant to be funny? No. I just said the first thing that came to mind. So now I try, with my very best intentions, not to say anything stupid. Well, if not stupid, at least not anything that could or would cause anyone hurt or distress. I’ve beaten myself up over the things I have said that may have hurt someone. Even if my words had gone completely unheard or ignored. Last weekend I had agreed to drive a carload of teenage rugby players and one dad to an away match in Maidstone, Kent. I popped into Lidl’s to pick up some snacks for the enormous boys all crammed into the back seat of my car. And we headed off. Thankfully the journey down there was uneventful, but the journey back was less so. I found myself stuck in the middle of a semi political and full on ethical debate. I was caught. There was no where that I could escape to. And no matter what I said, the dad wouldn’t or couldn’t see my point of view. He was right, and I was most definitely wrong. What was I supposed to do? Why do some people not give one jot what they say, or how it may affect those that their words are aimed at? How can some people say whatever they want with out a second thought of the consequences? “I’m only tell the truth.” Or, my personal favourite, “I’m just telling you as it is!” No, they’re only telling you as it is according to them. Why do some people think that they know all the answers, where the rest of us are just wondering around bumbling through life? But does the fault lie with me, as I’m always worried that I’ll say the wrong things, or those who never give two hoots to the damage they leave in their wake? Maybe silence really is the best medicine. If we don’t say anything, how can we say the wrong thing? We all know that one person who knows all the answers. The world, for them is very black and white. Those that are wrong, and them. And never the twain shall meet. But is it ever a good idea to challenge them? To try and explain your point overview? Can you ever reason with someone who cannot ever be wrong? Sadly, the answer is no. Especially if that person is an employer or colleague. And especially not if they are a member of your family. I lived with someone who always had to be right, all the time. And there is no way, reason or point to try to get them to change their mind. You can try staying calm, try and understand where they’re coming from. Understand that they cannot see past their own rightness. And know that their need to be right really doesn’t matter. That one can be difficult. Really difficult. But is it always good to stay away from those conversations that might lead to heated discussions? Should we always jump in? Or should we be picking our battles? In recent years, I have tried to walk away from people who are unbending. It’s much harder with people I meet day after day, but I have found a comfort in that knowledge that I will survive without those people in my life. I know that I may sometimes be wrong, but I am alright with that. It’s okay to be wrong at times. That’s how we take stock in what we know, to be able to learn and grow. I would hate to be right all the time. That must be a huge weight to carry. Always having to push your ‘righteous’ agenda. Never allowing themselves to explore the possibilities that there might be another side to the story. There are times in life that silence is golden. Not so that we can spare the feelings of those around us. But for our own sanity. If silence is the only thing that stands between me and my mental health, I’ll take it. So, I may not speak my mind so freely anymore, but I know my own mind. Can we all say the same?