It's not you, it's most definitely about me.

Hello, lovelies. I, like so many others, work with and for other people in and around my four jobs. I take care of my children, walk my dogs and run my household. It would be easy to say that I spend a large percentage of my day with my head down and my mouth closed. Actually, I have spent most of my life not saying how I feel, what I want or if it was something that I wanted to do. And yet, I have always been told that I’m the one in the driver’s seat. True, I am always the designated driver. But is it right to always do as I’m told? Never question the decisions? Never rocking the boat. Is the old adage, pick your battles, true? Or is it time to stand up and tell people what I actually think? I hate confrontation. And will do almost anything to avoid it. Yes, I am super opinionated, but as I’ve grown older, I have learnt to keep my thoughts to myself. Have I made the right decision? Does that mean I’ve been walked over and taken advantage of? Probably. So why have I spent my life being a people pleaser? Trying to enjoy the things that other people do. Could it be that I have nothing else to offer? Is the world a better place because I to keep my thoughts to myself? Or is there a deeply hidden reason for my actions. We have always been told that to talk about ourselves makes us egotistical, proud or vain. My old high school motto was Serviam – I will serve. We help our parents, family, children, friends, neighbours, employers, colleagues, even strangers in the street from time to time. It is drummed into us to help others. To be selfless. Never complain. Never explain. Never feel. But why? Is it always a good idea to put others first? In some cases, yes. I have always put my children first. But is it right to work myself to the very point of exhaustion all day every day? How can that be beneficial to both me and all those around me? So, if we’ve always been told to help others, is it really that bad to put ourselves first from time to time? Will it make me selfish? What happens if the pendulum swings too far in the other direction and I suddenly become rude, lazy and argumentative? So, after some deep breathing, and a big dollop of common sense, it is very easy to see that putting ourselves first is in no way selfish. It means being as kind to yourself as you are to others. Yikes. Is that even possible? We all need to love ourselves just that little bit more. By taking care of ourselves makes us more productive and organised and better people in general. The thought of putting my needs at the top of my daily to do list, fills me with just a little bit of stress and anxiety. Where would I even start? I am so used to trying to do everything myself. But the one thing I love to do is making lists. So, I can start by listing my priorities. But the secret is to keep it short. What is it that I actually want to achieve? How can I make it happen? Start off small. The little actions today, will turn into big results in the future. And the big thing to remember is, putting ourselves first can involve doing things that are difficult, but beneficial in the long run. So, we mustn’t give up at the first hurdle. When we fail to put our needs first, it takes a long-lasting toll on our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Many people who focus entirely on give, give, give end up overwhelmed, fatigued, and stressed. Well not me. Not anymore. I have always tried to hide my needs and sense of self due to a fundamental lack of self-worth. I grew up very poor, and to some degree in a neglectful home. Not that I would have told you at the time. So my basic needs were not met. I was often bumped down to the bottom of a very long list of priorities in my family. Not out of spite or indifference. But because I grew up in a home with absolutely no boundaries. And when there are no boundaries in our lives, we get squashed and stretched beyond what is normal. How can I put myself first if I have no idea who I am or what is expected of me? I should say that I had an amazing childhood. I travelled around the country, performing in so many different theatres that I can’t count. Staying in so many B&B’s. Always having to be somewhere doing something. Always rushing around. Never stopping to breathe and think, what do I want? What do I need? Just head down and get on with it. When we start taking care of ourselves as a whole, our happiness will increase. We will be more able to take care of others when we take care of ourselves, too. When we constantly put others first, we began to wear down little by little. It doesn't happen overnight. But we all need to take that first step.