And, breathe.

Hello, lovelies. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to actually have some free time? To not have to do anything? To sit and read, or watch that series that we’ve meaning to watch but can never seem to find the time? To go for that walk, start running or begin a new hobby. All those things we’ve been putting off for that time when we can put ourselves first. But when will that time come? How will we know when it’s here? And what happens if we miss our opportunity to do something for ourselves? With life hurtling forwards, when will we be able to stop and just breathe? I recently broke my wristwatch. Now, that is something I do very often. As soon as I buy myself a new watch I either drop it, swing my arm in a way that I hit the watch on the wall, or drop in down the toilet when the strap brakes. Watches and I are not friends. So, I went on the search for a new sturdier watch. And as most shops are still closed, I did that thing that I’m not proud of, I began my search online with that well-known site that you can get anything and everything with just the click of a button. And as I scrolled down the endless watches on sale, I saw that I could buy myself a cheap replica smart watch. Woohoo. It was almost like I had become an adult. So, with one click I waited for my shiny new watch to arrive. It was delivered the very next day, and I have to say that I love it. I have no idea what it does, but I just love it. But the one thing that I know it does, is that it has a pedometer. Now I always thought that I never walked more than 3000 or 4000 steps a day, so I was pleasantly surprised to find that on the very first day I walked 17,500 steps, and I wasn’t even trying. Not bad for someone who has the tendency to be very lazy. Or so I thought. And from then on, I noticed a trend growing, so that by the weekend I was walking up to 29,500 steps a day. How could that be possible? I wasn’t doing anything special. I was only pottering around. So, I sat down and plotted out what I actually did in the course of a day. And from the moment I wake up in the morning, and dash between my four jobs, three children and my two bonkers dogs, there isn’t usually a spare five minutes in the day that I can call my own. But I can’t just be me. So I asked my friends, what did they do all day, and the same story was told. From the second our alarms go off in the morning, we’re on the go. During the lock down I have continued to work, and some how I am working more hours a week than I did before the pandemic started. And as soon as I get home, the ‘real’ works starts. The mountain of laundry never seems to go down, and if my children could only use the utensils needed in the kitchen, then my life would instantly easier. After cooking, cleaning and walking the dogs my pedometer thinks that I must be climbing every mountain I can find. And the only time I can find for my self is when I have fallen into bed at the end of a very, very long day. Where I try to cram in as much reading, Duolingo, and social media I can before I crash, only to start it all over again the next day. I know that I’m nothing special. We all work so much harder than we give ourselves credit for. Life is marching on, and we’re all trying to keep up. But what can I do about it? I don’t want to carry on like this. I’m not walking an average of 20,000 a day for fun. I’m doing it because I didn’t realise that I was. I knew that I was exhausted by the end of the day, but how could I have got it so wrong? Today should have been my day off, but I was up at 6.30am, and have only just sat down at 7pm. So, this afternoon, I knew that I needed to go out for a walk with my daughters so to clear my head. We loaded up the dogs and headed out to the park. It was lovely being out. My children are cooped up at home all day, and to go out and walk the dogs together was lovely. The park was full of families and other dog walkers. We let the dogs of their leads, and I watched as my daughters ran and chased the dogs around the park. We followed the river Wandle and tramped through the mud, as we took in some much-needed fresh air. The park was wonderful. And I could indulge in one of my favourite pass-times, people watching. And seeing so many happy families was great. As we walked, I saw a man sitting on a bench. He was just an ordinary guy sitting on a bench, wearing headphones and facing the sun. As I watched him, I saw that he was utterly absorbed with just being there. The world was still spinning, but he was sitting still, being in the moment. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. He even had a smile on his face. And I knew in that very moment that I want to be like that man. I am sure that his life is just as hectic as mine, but he had found a way take that time to sit and breathe. When was the last time that any of us has done that? So, I have decided that I need to lose something from my day in order to find the time to just sit and breathe. Do I always need to finish the mountain of laundry? Does my house always have to be spotless? Can I enlist my children in helping me out around the house? Being on the go doesn’t make me a more productive person, quite the contrary. In order to be a more well-rounded we need to take care of ourselves. To take the time to sit and breathe. Otherwise we burn ourselves out. I’m not sure what I’m going to give up in order to make time for me, but It’s something I’m going to work on. And I wonder what would happen if we all just stopped and found the time to breathe. Why don’t we try it?