Why do I have an emotional connection to that?

               Hello, lovelies.

    I think that we can all say that we own far too much stuff. Beautiful, shiny and useful things fill our cupboards, wardrobes, and in my case, the car. We have surrounded ourselves with every convenient amenity, every kitchen aid and every new product that is designed to make our lives easier. But what is the cost of all these items? And not just the financial cost. Why do we put an emotional price on them too? Why is it so hard to get rid of our possessions?  

            We have stuff everywhere. Bags, books, clothes, cars, toys, jewellery, furniture, iPads, TV’s, VRs, gaming consoles in every shape and form.  And the more affluent we are the more we acquire. Our possessions become extensions of ourselves. We use them to signal to ourselves, and others, who we want to be and where we want to belong. And long after we’re gone, they become our legacy. But is that a good thing? Does what we own dictate how important and rich we are? Does the lavish holidays and lifestyles really convey who we are as a human being? And when did stuff become so important in our lives?

            This weekend, I decided that I needed to address the rather large, bursting at the seams, wardrobe of mine. I am not at all fashion conscious, but I just love clothes. I have clothes that were bought just before we went into this last lockdown, and clothes I’ve had for years, hanging all the way at the back. They’ve been hanging there for a very, very long time. I never wear them, but I just can’t seem to be able to let them go. But why? Why does that one dress hold such power over me? It’s pretty, yes. But it’s only a dress, so why, when I went to take it off the hanger and put it into the donate pile, my heart sank? I found myself at an impasse. Should I really get rid of it, and hold on to the hope that one day I was going to wear it, or pass it on to someone who would enjoy it more than me? And I wondered, why do I have such an emotional attachment to stuff?

            Our relationship with stuff starts early. Very Early.  The idea that we can own something starts at the age of two. And by six, children place extra value on an object simply by it being or having been, theirs. That sounds like my kids. Children understand ownership from a very young age, but in a more simplistic way than adults. Children aged between two and four assume that whoever had it first is the owner. But with ownership comes envy. They feel the injustice of being forced to share what they had assumed was theirs alone. Even baby’s express jealousy over objects, becoming angry when a toy is taken from them and handed to another child. So, our adult relationships with owning stuff starts almost the moment that we become conscious of our surroundings.

            In adolescence, possessions reflect what kind of people we are. And studies show that when adolescent girls exchange clothing they share not only friendship but also identities. And the first car that often becomes the ultimate symbol of a person’s prowess. Okay. So, we connect with our possessions and use them to see and shape how others see us. Is that why it is so hard to let go of things?

            In our adulthood, not only do our things hold our identity’s, they become the holders of our memories, relationships and travels. Our homes are not just our castles, they become an extension of us. And that level depends on how confident we feel about who we are. If we’re not feeling 100% about our lives, that new handbag will make us feel better. Those new coffee cups will not judge us or reject us as a person. That new branded T-shirt will show the world that we are someone. It will also show that we belong to that social group. The success of the Apple brand, for example, has been attributed in part to people’s desire to show that they belong to a consumer tribe with connotations of ‘coolness’. So, as our belongings accumulate, they become infused with our identities, so their preciousness increases, making it even harder to dispose of them.

We know that collecting and saving things is normal. It’s a useful, evolutionarily adaptive human trait. It has helped us against hard times and makes our lives easier to boot.  But you can have too much of this good thing. So, in getting rid of things, remember that we don't have to feel burdened in keeping something just because it was a gift. We shouldn’t feel guilty about letting go of things. We can donate, so that other people can make use of items that we’re not using. And we can share heirlooms with other family members so that we are not confined and held back by them. In this new year, we should have nothing in our homes that are not useful, beautiful or needed.

            I did let that dress go. I don’t need it. It’s going to make someone else happy, and that is so much better in the long run. I want to slim my life and home down so that I can fill it with memories and laughter, and not a place where I just store my stuff. It’s hard, but it is so important to be free of clutter. Not just for our homes, but for our mental health as well.