Letting go of 2020

                Hello, lovelies.

       We’re three days into this new year and I can already feel the stress and anxiety falling away and the new joy and hope for this brand-new year beginning to grow. But am I right to feel that way? Should I really be pinning all my new hopes and dreams on the uncertainty of a year that so unknown? Or should I just throw all my worries out of the window and embrace all the challenges that 2021 will throw at me? Is it time to let go of 2020?

            This afternoon I found myself in a delightful position of having some spare time on my hands, a rarity in my life. So, I sat in my favourite chair, a freshly made coffee beside me, and my fully charged kindle in my lap. I was finally going to be able to start the book that I have been planning on reading but never had the time. And for once my house was actually quiet. But just as I turned the first electronic page, my youngest daughter walked into the room and asked me a question. Was I scared of 2021? And the question took me aback. Why would I be scared of the new year? And what did she mean by the question?  Was she having new year anxiety? Was the prospect of having to start all over again scary to her? Was it because she is growing up and she’s changing which evolves taking on new challenges? And as exciting as that is, it can also bring about a lot of fear. Was it a fear of the future? Why had she asked the question? So I asked her what she meant. And she told me that she is scared of what new, and not so exciting, things were going to happen in this new year. And, predominately, was I going to die and leave her all alone? Yikes. What a question. So I took a big gulp of my coffee and thought about my answer.

            Covid is awful. The news is full of daily figures of cases and deaths. Everywhere you look, you can see signs of the devastation, either physical or economic, and the normality of life has completely changed. No wonder my daughter fears what 2021 will bring. Should she risk going to school? What happens to her future if she spends the rest term at home?  Will she ever see her friends again? What will happen if someone she knows catches the virus?  Because, for her, no one she knows has had it, and so it’s this big scary thing that is affecting every aspect of her life. And, because I’m so old, I’m 44, in her eyes, who will look after her if I were to die? I can understand why she is scared.  

            And inspiration hit me. I told my daughter to put her coat on and put the leashes on the dogs. We were going to go for a walk. It was cold outside, but the sky looked amazing. There was a beautiful rainbow, just before it began to rain. We had walked so far, that we were a long way from home, so should we run back or hide out under a tree and wait for the rain to pass? My daughter decided to run for cover under a tree. She ran ahead of me, speeding off with the dogs as I ran behind her. She made me run! I actually ran for shelter. And by the time I reached her, she was laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. Apparently, I run like a Thunderbird puppet with its strings cut. As we stood under the tree, we watched as the rain fell, and I saw just how beautiful raindrops were. We watched the other dog walkers and the families walking through the park, all going on with their lives. The rain eased and we continued on our journey. The grass and trees shone from the rain, and everything looked new and shiny.      

And that was what I told my daughter as to why I wasn’t scared of 2021. Last year our lives were turned upside down, but we weathered the storm, and we came out the other side. We were fortunate not to catch Corona, and with all the safety measures in place, we may not catch it this year. And if we do, then we will survive that as well. I couldn’t promise her that I won’t die, but if I did, she wouldn’t be alone. Just because we haven’t been able to see our families and friends, doesn’t mean that they are not there for us. She will never be alone. And there are so many beautiful, insightful and amazing things out in the world, that no matter what 2021 brings, we are going to enjoy and continue to live, love and laugh all the way through this year. I told my beautiful, clever and talented daughter that she needed to let go of all her fears and worries of the past. 2020 is over and gone. She can use what she has learnt from the past to make her future as bright and shiny as she wants. And that's what I am going to do too.