Fear, the final frontier.

    Hello, lovelies.

            Have you ever watched a scary movie believing that you'll be alright, only to lie awake at night with the lights on? Does walking home alone at night fill you with fear and dread? Does a bump in the night always mean that the bogey man is coming to get you? Or is fear completely pointless that can make you waste many hours of your life? Is fear an irrational feeling or a very important life tool? 

        I was recently asked by my eldest daughter to watch a scary movie with her, as she was too scared to watch it alone. As it was still light outside, I was 100% sure that the film would have absolutely no effect on me at all. How wrong I was. As my daughter left to go home, I had the short trip up the stairs to my bedroom, passing the cupboard under the stairs and the back door that led to the now dark back garden. That shouldn't be too bad at all, as it's a journey I have done every day for the past 2 years that I have lived in this house. But on that day, after watching that film, I was spooked. Did my house usually make that creak? Had there always been that dark shadow in the corner of the room? Why wouldn't one of my other children come down from their bedrooms and escort me up the stairs? What had that film done to me? 

         I slowly made my way up the stairs, determined that I wasn't going to run up the last few, as I still had to hold on to the last bit of dignity I had left, I stood at the doorway of my bedroom and I was faced with a black hole sized space under my bed. My 44-year-old brain told me that there wasn't anything there, other than the occasional dust bunny and whatever chew toy my dogs left under there. But my entire being was screaming that there was definitely an axe murderer, or at the very least, a demonic creature, hell-bent on eating me as soon as I was in bed and closed my eyes. So I did the only grown-up thing I could. I took a run and jump from the doorway on to my bed, where I slept with the lights on.  

        As I lay there I wondered what the purpose of fear was? Some people are scared of spiders, some of heights and some are scared of clowns. As I'm not scared of those, It's hard to understand the rationale behind it. I used to be scared of zombies when I was younger, I put that down to watching Michael Jackson's Thriller video as a child. But with the Walking Dead and Shaun of the Dead, I am glad to say that I no longer fear them. So why did the film have such an effect on me? 

        I know that the purpose of fear is to initiate action. When faced with something or someone horrible, fear motivates avoidance, focused concentration, preparation and a certain amount of emotional energy. Fear can help us escape, help us find a hiding place where you can retreat from the unknown. But it can also distort the facts and reality so that living in fear of something can feel safer than actually living life to the fullest. Fear is a natural and powerful human emotion. It helps alert us to danger and harm, whether that is physical or psychological. 

         But how can fear stop you from achieving all the things you set out to do? When I realised that fear has always held me back. Many people are terrified of failing. They spend their entire lives continually stiving forward, as for them to fail is the worst thing imaginable. But for me. I have always been scared to succeed. To fail is easy. You don't have to do anything. You just carry on doing the same as you usually do. But what happens when you succeed? That's a whole new ball game. Have I unwittingly allowed my fear to hold me back? Is the freedom from that fear really that scary? Or is living in fear actually comforting? 

            But can fear actually damage your health? Yes, it can. Living with long term fear can have a serious effect on your health. Not to mention your mental health. It weakens your immune system, causes cardiovascular damage, causes ulcers and IBS. It also leads to ageing and even death. So maybe living with fear isn't the best way forward. 

        So how do you conquer your fears? And if we do overcome them, will that really open up a whole new world of opportunities? Will it help us get that new job, or promotion? Could it help me find that new relationship I'm looking for? I know that overcoming my fears means that I will learn how to start taking more risks, not with my safety or mental health, but not always take the soft easy option. 

        But how do we overcome our fears?  It comes by making the choice to change. To actively fight the fear head-on. No longer hiding at the sidelines. You have to try, otherwise, you'd never know how far you could go. You have to understand and name your fears. Be strong in yourself, but also understand and be gentle on yourself. Always looking forward. Do you always want to be scared in that way? What can you do to educate yourself? What can you learn about your fears as well as what you can learn about yourself? You're much stronger than you think.

        By the next morning, all that fear from the night before had gone. It really was a silly film, but it had done its job. It had set out to scare me, and it had won. But I too had won. I now knew that I would be able to face my fears and understand them. Even if i fail and fall flat on my face, I would have tried. I want to live life, not hide from it.