Can we ever go back to the way it was before?

    Hello, lovelies.

        After months of self-isolation, social distancing and spending far too much time in our own little bubbles,  lockdown is finally easing and the restrictions are being relaxed. The parks and beaches are full of people again and you can now go into a pub and enjoy a drink with your friends. Schools are reopening in September, much to my children's annoyance.  Have we defeated Covid? Is life finally going back to the way it was before?  Can we pick up where we left off and carry on running at full speed? But do we really want that? Do we ever want to go back to the way we were before?

    Lockdown hit us all very hard. It crept up on us. We knew it was coming, but lived in denial of it actually happening. We watched the news of Italy and Spain, whispering to each other that surely it wasn't going to arrive here in England. But it did. With devastating effect. And with fear and trepidation, England closed down. The streets were empty.  Shop shelves were empty. There wasn't a loo roll to be seen. We had gone from a polite society to a terrified nation, too scared to leave our homes. New words entered our vocabulary, such as Shielding and  Flattening the curve. Socially we stopped. You couldn't see your family and friends. Even when venturing out to walk the dog, a minimum of 2 meters was to be kept from other dog owners. Everyone was a potential threat. Spreading the virus was all anyone could talk about. All we could do was stay at home and try to wait it out. 

    At first, I decided to spend my newly freed time to deep clean my house. Then to organize my wardrobe. My daughter's wardrobe and then my sons. Then it was the kitchen and finally the garage. But I still had far too much time on my hands. So I started in the garden, growing my own fruit and veg. In the evenings, when I'd usually be working as an usher at my favourite theatres, I sat with my children and we worked our way through boxset after boxset on the telly, not something I have ever done before. The tv was just something other people did, as I never had time for sitting down as there was always so much to do. I started to go to bed at a reasonable time, and wake up in the morning actually feeling refreshed, and not feeling like the Kraken raised from the deep. I began to watch YouTube videos on how to cook kid-friendly meals, some of which my children ate. But with the furlough scheme ending, I started to worry about the need to go back to work. My insomnia came back with a vengeance. I would have to double my hours, or maybe triple my hours when I went to work in order to make up for the money shortage. But with the theatre's not opening, and no idea when they might, how was I going to earn enough money? I have never been so relieved to have 4 jobs. Money was going to be tight, very tight, but I would manage. 

    As the weeks zoomed past I found that I was enjoying my free time. I loved watching silly films with my children. No more was I having to rush around, desperately trying to squeeze everything in into the very small window of time. I wasn't leaving wet washing in the washing machine for days as I never had the time to hang it. I was no longer running around all day and living off a diet of coffee and chocolate, and I began to cook delicious food for myself and not just for my children. All those odd DIY jobs that I had meaning to do for months, I was finally able to do. Just having time to enjoy my home was something that I never had 'time' for before. And I realised that as much as I thought I liked having all of my hours, days and weeks full, just being able to sit in my own front room was enough. 

    So, should I be gearing up for my life to go back to the way it was before? Should I be pushing to fill my hours up again? Or should I be more concerned with sitting and listening to my body? Can we ever go back to the speed that we were all rushing at before? Was our life better when nobody had any time for the little things in life? I had been burning the candle at both ends, as well as in the middle. For years I had been running trying to do everything all the time. That's no way to live. I wasn't living, I was running. And I don't want to run any more. Life can go back to normal, but I want my life to have a new normal. A slower and more deliberate normal. This is our opportunity to dictate the speed of our new normal.