Happy New year or Jumanji

Hello, lovelies. 

          And just like that, we’re on the 5th January. How did that happen? It went - Christmas eve, Boxing day, New years eve and now, here we are. And for a brand-new year, it hasn’t started out on the best footing. I come to sit down to write this blog after burying my daughter’s pet hamster, that popped its clogs after 2 years of living with us. After my impromptu funeral ceremony and digging a big enough hole so my dogs are not tempted to dig the poor hamster back up, I thought that I was home free. But no. The never-ending list of things that I must get done never seems to go down. The kids, the laundry, the mounting pile of bills. And I find that all the lovely Christmas spirit has gone. The cold hard reality of 2022 has hit me right between the eyes. But surely, there must be more to life than this? What happened to living my best life, full of fun and laughter (and my mattress stuffed with all the cash I could ever need.) Oh, and Jason Mamoa knocking my door down. A girl can dream! With the never-ending saga of Brexit, the alarming rise of the far right and a pandemic still running free, is this how 2022 is going to be? Instead of wishing everyone a Happy New year, should we all have shouted Jumanji so we can leave the game. 

       Boy oh boy, I have missed my old life. Remember when we could go where we wanted when we wanted? Only those in the medical profession had to wear a mask. Social distancing was a choice when we needed a bit of alone time. To be able to send time in the same room as all your friends and family. I miss going to the theatre. Or wandering around a museum before getting lost in an art gallery (true story.) I have wonderful memories of loosing myself in London, but as we all know, memories fade and time marches on as it waits for no one. I was hoping. No, I was praying, that 2022 was going to be a brand-new year, with everything wrong, damaged or broken from the past two years would some how magically be fixed. No food shortages. No energy price hikes to astronomical levels. No hapless politicians blundering without a clue of how to lead the country. What I really wanted was a world where we were all working towards the same goals. Yes, we may all have a different idea of how we want to achieve it, but at least we were all on the same page. Now, not only do we not have a page, but the whole book has been recycled, pulped and turned in to some thing else. So, I asked myself, can we ever go back to the way things were? Will I ever be the same? But, more importantly, do I want to be the same person I was back then? Or is 2022 all about excepting whatever will come and embracing the brand-new person that we are. 

       The question of New Year resolutions is an interesting one. Should we make them? Or are they always set to fail, making us feel bad about ourselves. Would our lives be different if we were to join the gym, buy all the work out gear, go once and then spend the next six months working out how to cancel the direct debit. Cut out the drinking. Stop smoking. And only buy fresh fruit and veggies, only to watch them go uneaten and browning in the fruit bowl, before throwing the whole lot, including the fruit flies, into the bin. But what of those beautiful Instagram people who manage to exist on air and positive vibes? If they can do it, why can’t I? Am I just destined to fall my way through this new year the very same way I fell through all the years before? Or can I make a change, and begin to live my life the way I always wanted to? 

         But how to change? Do I really want to? And am I ready to make those changes and stick to it, or is it better the devil you know? It is very easy to just keep doing all the things I have been doing. They’ve kind of worked in the past, so surely, they should carry me through the year ahead. But if truth be told, the things that I have always done are not working. My lack of setting and keeping boundaries. The pushing past my burn out point, till I am literally unable to speak. The basic lack of self-care as I run around like a headless chicken trying to do all the things all the time. None of that has actually worked out well for me, no matter how hard I have tried to convince myself to the contrary. I’m older, tired and fed up of always having to chase my tail. So maybe this is the perfect time to challenge myself. Push myself to set and keep the boundaries in place. But most of all, stop expecting myself to be the very best I can be all the time. No one can do it. And if someone says that you can be all the things all the time, then they’re either lying or trying to sell you something. Life isn’t a race that has to be won. It’s not a winner’s world where everyone else is set to live a meaningless existence. From my understanding, life is for the living at whatever pace we choose to set it at. Beating myself up for not having a tiny waist, or perfect skin is so wrong. So what if my hair is now more grey than brown. So what if I can never keep my house tidy for more than five minutes. So what if I don’t want to go to the gym. None of those things really matter in the great scheme of things. Being happy. Being healthy. Laughing. Sleeping. Walking. Reading. Writing. Being with my friends. Gardening. Breathing. Being. Just being in the moment is enough. 

           So that is my new years resolution. To just be. We can all just be what ever it is that we want to be. We can never be someone else, as they’re already taken. To be myself is enough.

                              JUMANJI