Who's perspective is it?

    Hello, lovelies.

   

        Have you ever wondered how people see you?  Can they see all your idiosyncrasies? Do they sit at home and dissect your personality?  Or is that just how you see yourself? Is it all about perspective? 

    Over the years many people have told me exactly what they thought of me. Some were kind, but most were very unkind and, to me, untrue. And for the most part, I have tried to take it with a pinch of salt, and not take it too seriously. No. That's not true at all. My daughter tells me all the time that I take everything people say to me to heart. I allow their opinions of me shadow how I see myself. Okay, so I can be a bit too loud at times, and I have a fog horn for a laugh. But how does that make me so unlikeable? Is that really how I come across to others? Or is that just one moment in time when it's not about me, but a reflection of them? 

    Many years ago I used to work with a woman who believed that she was lovely. She said that she was just being honest when she voiced her opinion, as she was just 'saying it how it was.' If she didn't like you, then she would tell you so. But what she couldn't see about her personality was that she was a bully. She told you what she thought about you, everything that she thought that you had done wrong, and that was that, and when we tried to tell her how hurtful she was being, she just turned her bulling on us.  She had no idea how she was perceived by others. She bullied me for a whole year at work. 

   Would it have helped my bully to know what we all thought of her? Probably not. Would she have been able to change it? Yes. Was she ready to hear it? No. She was not in a place that could deal with her actions. Was she a bad person? No. But I know she was dealing with a lot of family issues and so instead of stopping and taking a long look at herself, she projected her pain onto others. 

    What about all the celebrities on social media? We all perceive them to be perfect, don't we?  I love following the lives of others on all the different platforms. Honestly, I can't get enough videos of puppies doing crazy things. And I love watching my favourite YouTuber's as they handle their lives and clean their ovens all day every day. Are their lives real with their perfectly clean ovens? Are their homes and families really what I should be striving for?  Should I try being more like them and less like me? Should I really be cleaning my oven every day? Should I be aiming for that 'beach-ready body'? Frantically hunting down a partner, as I'm told that I'm not complete without my soulmate? That being single is a bad thing, especially at my age. Do I really need Botox? A boob job? liposuction? Is it that bad to age gracefully? Would that make me 'better' in the eyes of others? Are what the magazines telling us true? Will the next cream, lotion or potion fix me? 

    Hold on. Why should what someone thinks of me shape who I am? Why is their perception of me any more valid, important and honest? People can't instantly see all my failings and everything I've done wrong in my life. And even if they could, why would they judge me for it? I know that some people do, but that's more about them and nothing to do with me.   

     What if other peoples perception of me is good? What if they see me as fun to be around? People have reached out to me over my blogs and they've said the most beautiful and lovely things. Things that I never would have said about myself. Should I really be holding on to the negative perception of myself? Or break that mould and try to see my positive attributes and not dwell on the negative? I can't be liked by everyone, no matter how hard I try. And as a very wise friend of mine once said to me, you can't be everyone's cup of tea - otherwise you'd be a mug. 

    I am not going to let other peoples perception of who they think I am block or stop me. I cannot control how they see me, the same way that they can't stop how others see them. I'm not here to change anyone perception of me. Just the way I see myself. I am proud to be me. I have come along way, and I am definitely not the same person I was 4 years ago. I am going to look in the mirror and try to see the me that I want to be, not the me that I am told that I am.