Will I ever be able to say no?

Hello, lovelies.

           Have you ever wondered why you can give 100% of yourself to something or someone, but it's never enough? Or do you push yourself way too hard, but never feel like you're getting anywhere?                                                                                                                                                           

    We have, throughout our lives, given everything we've got, only for it to fall short at the last minute. We've ploughed our time into our working day, to our home life and our social time, but for some reason, we are seen as never giving enough.  But enough of what? And why are we trying so hard to achieve? 

    There are times that I have run myself ragged trying to meet the demands of others, so much so, that I have often been completely overwhelmed and had to take myself off to have a cry alone. Not tears of sadness but tears of frustration. The frustration that others are so expectant but never grateful.  Do they not realise that I am trying my best? That this is all I have got to give? Or that I may not even want to do what they are asking of me, but I am unable to say no? Why can't I say no I don't want to do that. No, I don't have the capacity to help you. No, I don't like the way you speak to me. No, your life isn't more important than mine. But I don't say no. I never say no. I just smile and get on with it.  

    Does that make me a doormat? Too easy? A pushover? A bad mother?  No. It's not a reflection of me the way others treat me, but a reflection of them. 

    But I do say no to someone. Me. I say no to myself all the time. I say no to my feelings. I say no to my sense of pride, joy and happiness. No, my cake addiction. When I should be saying no to the cake, I say no to myself and say yes to the cake. Yes to the calories. Yes to the fat content. Yes to the yumminess! A great big fat no to my future health and happiness.

    So what would happen if I started to say no to people? Nothing, that's what would happen. People may be grumpy at first, but mostly nothing happens. Nothing except a greater sense of self-worth.

    And what would happen if I stopped running at full speed, trying to do everything all the time? Would I be a massive failure if I didn't keep going? Would I be fired? Would my house ever be tidy again? No. But I would end up being burnt out again. Oh yes. I tend to always overdo it and work myself into a burn out situation. Working my 4 jobs. Running my household and trying to slide in a bit of me-time. 

    Saying no will not make me a passive-aggressive 'No' woman. But by saying no to others, I will be able to redirect my time, money and energy to where it is truly needed and deserved.  And that is back to me. Maybe it's time that we put the focus back on ourselves.

    It doesn't make us lazy or bad-mannered to say no. It just makes us more real, more authentic, more us. And as Shakespeare once said, To thine own self be true.  And it doesn't get any better than that.